Life has a funny way of making us work for what we want. Throughout it we all face obstacles and adversities that mold us into the person we are today. Unfortunately, a lot of people fall victim to the things that have happened to them instead of taking the time to heal and grow. Often, we carry those things into our relationships.
Giving people who have a big heart for helping others tend to be attracted to emotionally unavailable people. You feel some sense of calling to help heal their wounds and lead them to a better life. You almost connect to them on a deeper level because you invest so much energy into repairing their soul.
You do this because you can see their uncovered potential past the road of what broke them in the first place. This puts you in a position where you convince yourself that you can help change that person.
You want the best for them, we totally get it, but they have to change for themselves. Sadly, you are probably going to be the one who ends up hurt.
Here are eight dangers of dating an emotionally unavailable person.
1. They lead you on.
Emotionally unavailable people have very high walls and strong guards, but they still enjoy companionship. They keep you close to their side to fulfil their needs, but when it comes to fulfilling yours they will be nowhere to be found. He will give you the title of girlfriend, but that is as far as it will go.
2. Time doesn’t change anything.
The more you invest in an emotionally unavailable person, the more you convince yourself that with more time he will be ready to commit. Commitment issues don’t heal over time; those issues are only going to heal when the emotionally unavailable person decides to work through them. You are not going to fix him.
3. They are not afraid to lose you.
In a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person your worth is not going to be valued. You put far more effort into the relationship than you get back in return. Emotionally unavailable people lack the ability to invest strong feelings in others. He enjoys your company and he wants you around, but if you were to leave it wouldn’t devastate him.
4. Everything is on their time.
Your schedule has to fit into their schedule. Emotionally unavailable people let you know when is good for them, and you have to adjust. They don’t consider your feelings when making other plans or cancelling on you. You won’t even realize this until you don’t have time for anyone else because you are always adjusting your schedule for your relationship.
5. They are selfish.
Emotionally unavailable people use you to fill space. They convince you that whatever you do for them, you are really doing for yourself. They make their needs clear and set the expectation that they are priority. Your needs are not a priority and you will convince yourself that is ok.
6. They cannot fully commit.
Emotionally unavailable people make you feel like your relationship is going somewhere and never actually take the next step. They continue the relationship for as long as it works for them, but they don’t actually see a future with you. One minute he’ll be talking about your future together, and the next he’ll tell you that he’s not ready to get that serious.
7. They are unable to truly love you.
True love happens when two people are the most vulnerable version of themselves, and they still love each other anyway. You are going to be the only vulnerable person in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person. He’s going to do things that make you feel loved on the surface, but he won’t give you what you need for the long haul.
8. They are honest with where they stand.
Emotionally unavailable people are always honest with their lack of interest in making a full commitment. Their honesty is not always direct or perfectly clear, but they put themselves in a position that when you question something they can back it up with, “remember when I told you…”
The most important thing to understand about an emotionally unavailable person is that their inability to be the person you wish they would be has nothing to do with you. That also does not mean that you should sacrifice your time, your energy, or your soul for someone who cannot give you what you need.
Are you dating an emotionally unavailable person? Share your thoughts with us.
Sarah and Samantha
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photo cred: glamour.com