You spend most of your adolescent and young adult life searching for someone to love. Once you get there reality hits you like a ton of bricks at the first sign of disagreement. It doesn’t feel good, but when you love someone, you often look past it.

Relationships should always come with the disclaimer, “There will be ups and downs. What you do with the downs will determine the outcome.” If you are not fully equipped to handle the downs, chaos in your relationship can quickly become your comfort zone. Relationships weren’t designed to create a space of heartache; they were designed to add value and happiness to your life.

There are a lot of things that can make or break a relationship. You have the power to control your part in both.

These nine things can destroy your relationship, so make sure you catch them first!

1. Insecurities

This is one of the most unattractive traits in a person. You are beautifully and wonderfully made to be yourself. Your partner chose to be in this relationship because of who you are, not who you wish you were. When you doubt yourself, criticize yourself, and belittle your image, your partner will begin to see you in the same light.

Take the time to work through your insecurities. You will only ever be loved and feel love to the extent that you love yourself.

2. Selfishness

When you behave like this is your world and everyone else is living in it, people will be turned off. You can be beautiful, athletic, and full of talent, but selfishness gets old. There are two people in a relationship; both should bring equal value to the table. You should never value yourself more worthy or deserving.

You should love your partner enough to learn his love language and how to fulfill his needs.

3. Lack of Communication

You have heard it before; communication is the key to a healthy relationship. When this is not prioritized, or taken seriously, both parties will reach a breaking point. You may talk a lot, but that doesn’t mean you hear each other. You cannot expect your partner to know what you are thinking if you do not express it in a manner that he will understand it.

Men and women communicate differently which is why it is so important to learn to communicate in a way that he understands and can respond back for an effective outcome.

4. Honesty

No matter how big or how small, a lie is a lie. If you don’t feel like you can be honest one hundred percent of the time in your relationship, you need to diagnose why. The truth always has a way of coming to the surface, and when it comes out later, that can devastate a relationship much more than if you gave it the opportunity in the first place.

Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. No one is perfect, you aren’t always going to make the right decisions, and you should be with someone who will support you when you don’t.

5. Social Media

We know that pretty much everything is done through the internet. Spending too much time on social media, looking at things you should not look at, putting yourself in tempting situations, and becoming obsessed with filtered life are multiple ways that can ruin your relationship. If you wake up and the first thing you do is grab your phone instead of kissing your partner good morning, we can promise you that he notices.

There’s nothing wrong with catching up on the latest news or checking in on what your friends are doing, but keep it in moderation. Your relationship should come first.

6. Family

Family first, we get it, it seems to be a motto for most people. You aren’t always going to like everyone in each other’s family. You have to remember that they are still family, but you both chose to be in this relationship. You may not like the way his family treats you, your family may not like him, but that doesn’t mean you force ultimatums or walk away.

You have to find balance between respecting that they are family and ensuring that your families understand why you put each other first.

7. Money

There are so many avenues of money issues that can lead to a failed relationship. Bad spending habits, worshiping money, retail therapy, trying to control his finances, stressing over not having enough, etc. are all unhealthy relationships with something material. You need to diagnose why you struggle in this area, and get the help to fix it.

If there is anything material you feel is worth losing your relation, your partner deserves better.

8. Lack of Intimacy

We say this all the time; sex is the only thing you share with your partner that you do not share with any other relationship in your life. Intimacy is an important part of a healthy relationship. Human bodies yearn for physical touch. We’re not saying that means you should or have to be intimate all the time, you have to find a healthy balance that fills both of your needs.

If you do not desire to be intimate with your partner, or if you are feeling like he does not desire to be intimate with you, you need to talk about it. You have to realize something else is missing and address it.

9.Infidelity

No one has walked a day in your shoes, or his, to understand what caused the act in the first place, but that is the point. When you allow this behavior of yourself or your partner without working through the underlying issues, you will find yourself back in the same situation. Whether it is you or him, choosing to step outside your relationship is a selfish and disrespectful.

It takes maturity to talk through the feelings you are having when voids aren’t being filled instead of looking somewhere else to fill them.

These nine things don’t have to be deal breakers in a relationship. With awareness and healthy communication you and your partner can take action to ensure improvement in areas that you may be struggling in and come out stronger than ever.

Cheers,

Sarah and Samantha

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photo cred: interconnectedlives.com