After high school I went off to college ready to execute my perfect plan for my life, little did I know what I was getting into. Suddenly I wasn’t in the comfort of my parent’s home and instead I was surrounded by girls with perfect bodies and personalities to match. My good grades didn’t make me feel so valuable anymore and I realized how average I really was. I joined a sorority because I thought it would make me more desirable, but the pressure to look like the whole package caught up with me quickly.
I found myself turning to food in times of comfort and thus began my addiction. Every time I felt down, insecure, disappointed, discouraged or undesirable the only way I knew how to cope with those feelings was to eat.
It was my sophomore year at college and everything I had planned for my life came to a screeching halt. I was walking through my apartment complex on New Year’s with my roommate when three men stopped us and held us at gunpoint. One, putting his gun in my mouth.
I moved home that night, never looking back. The next few months I spent suffering from extensive anxiety and depression. I was afraid to leave the house on my own. I couldn’t be out at night. I couldn’t even spend the night alone. My passion for life was gone and my dreams were shattered. My faith hit an all-time low. I was severely angry and resentful towards God- if He loved me so much, how could He allow this to happen to me?
I moved two states away to finish school hoping that would change everything and instead I found myself in a therapist’s office begging for help to take my life back. Through many sessions I started my process to recovery but overcoming trauma wasn’t the only issue I was going to need to work through.
Over the next three years I finally felt like my life was coming together, and maybe it was all meant to be. I finished my degree, bought a house, started an accomplished career and married the love of my life. Without realizing it, I found myself prioritizing everything else in my life and myself and my marriage took a back seat. There wasn’t any time for Samantha, I didn’t even know what that would have looked like, and food silently found its way back into my life. Filling the empty voids.
First the first time I saw a thirty pound overweight, lonely, sad, lost and broken girl and I decided right there that I would never feel that way again.
Those next six years I was brought to my knees and back to the feet of God. Through His unconditional love and unfailing grace I found deep healing, an unrestricted love for myself and a fire-burning passion for life.
Today, I am happily married to the love of my life for 7 years. I left the security of the corporate world to pursue my dream of Never Be Average, alongside my sister and my very best friend, Sarah Cline. I am also a published author, life coach and motivational speaker. I have spoken to high schools and corporate events teaching women how to design the life they want to live. I wrote So What Now? And Revived: Life After the Affair together with Sarah to encourage women around the world that there is still hope and they can write their comeback story.
-Samantha Rusca Messersmith
Contact Samantha at email@example.com