I can remember the very moment I met my husband like it was yesterday. It was New Year’s Eve, I walked through the backdoor of my girlfriend’s house, and the first thing out of her mouth was, “Oh yeah, Kyle’s single too, I have to introduce you to him.” She walked me over and he shook my hand and introduced himself with a confident, firm handshake. He stood 6’3”, dressed sharp in dark jeans and a maroon button up, covered by a charcoal pea coat that fell just right between his hips and his knees, and polished black dress shoes to pull it all together.

Here’s the thing: I couldn’t look past the fact that he was bald. I may sound like the worst person in the world pointing that out, but my naive, vain self thought right away he’s way too old for me, and although he’s dressed well, not really my type. Talk about judging a book by its cover. (Awful, I know.) But it was New Year’s so I had a few celebratory drinks and the next thing I knew Kyle was kissing me at midnight. It may have been the champagne, but something magical happened in that very moment and sparks were flying higher than the fireworks. Like those deep, catch you off guard, weak in the knees, fireworks.

Who is this guy?

I had been cheated on, lied to and hurt before, by the two men I had given my heart to, and because of that it had been four years since my last serious relationship. I had spent those four years compiling a solid list of what I did and didn’t want, and went to extensive lengths to protect myself from ever being in that position again. I still had my worldly influenced checklist though that had solid boxes of outward perfection- good looking, college degree, lucrative job, perfect on paper, a white picket fence, and a promising future at the least.

Just a few months before New Years, in an incredibly vulnerable moment, I was brought to my knees and called to finally let go of the hurt from my past. I had spent the four years prior trying so hard to be ready for love, but the one thing I couldn’t give up control of was my heart, and if I was ever going to meet my forever, I had to forgive and let go. Then Kyle walked into my life, in completely different packaging than I expected. To be honest, he didn’t mark off on all of boxes on my ego-centered checklist, but for the first time in my life I realized that my future would be lonely and empty if that was where I marked my expectations.

Over 9 years later, I wouldn’t trade that gorgeous bald head for anything in the world.

An honest, passionate, love filled, lasting partnership doesn’t always come in the best wrapped packages. And it’s so much better that way.

So here’s what I suggest if you find yourself constantly going for the same type: first, burn your checklist! Then try something different, get out of your comfort zone, take chances, and be vulnerable to something new.

I would bet that everything worth anything in your life you’ve had to work for, and the best of it came from doing all of the above. With great risk comes great reward, and I don’t know about you, but when it comes to a life partner– I want the great reward.

My Sister Warriors, let your walls down, trust the process, and go get him!




PS- Here at Never Be Average we created a platform called Forgiveness Letters. These letters have been a powerful testimony of strength, triumph and forgiveness. If you are ready to let go of you past, move on and forgive, we would love to feature your story here!  


Samantha Rusca Messersmith founded Never Be Average alongside her sister Sarah Rusca Cline. They are published authors, relationship experts, life coaches, and public speakers who are helping women around the world write their comeback story. Through their faith in God, their book Revived: Life After the Affair and their website Never Be Average they motivate, inspire, and provide tools for women to unleash the power within themselves. You can also find them places like Mind Body Green and The Good Men Project.