Women are envious. Envious Beasts.
A night out with the girls and you naturally find yourself gravitating to your friends who have been in a relationship for as long as you have; misery sure does love company. You have one friend in your group who is a new relationship, and of course her favorite topic is about how amazing her new man is. You look around to the others girls and you all roll your eyes, you know every one of them is thinking, “good luck Honey, that shit doesn’t last forever.”
The worst is when your man’s best friend brings his new girlfriend into the group. You watch him wait on her hand and foot, anything she wants, she gets. He cannot keep his hands off of her. They converse with other people at the table and you watch just waiting for him to take his hand off of her leg, to your disappointment, the only time he does is when he turns towards her and kisses her cheek, just so she knows he is there . You are lost in their chemistry, you don’t even remember what it feels like to be touched like that. Frankly, you can’t even remember the last time you went to bed with any hopes he was going to give you more than a goodnight kiss.
You watch her all night. She’s friendly, she’s funny, she has the attention of every man at the table. Her brunette highlights are a perfect match for her skin tone, her blushed cheeks accessorize her million dollar smile, her petite nose wiggles when she laughs in a way you wish you hated, and her shorts sit perfectly on her tight, toned, small waist. Your veins fill with envy. The hem of her top accentuates the perfection of her breasts, she looks like she came straight out of a Victoria’s Secret catalog. You study her, down to her perfect pedicure, there is not one flaw. Let’s be honest, you wish this whore stayed home.
The whole drive home your mind is stirring and all of your insecurities set in. That used to be you and Prince Charming. He laughed at everything you said, he couldn’t keep his hands off of you, he was always concerned with making you happy. You excuse these thoughts, telling yourself that this poor girl has no idea what she is really getting herself into. When your head hits the pillow that night you feel a desperate need for validation from your once Prince Charming. You turn over and touch his back, your lips meet his neck and your hand makes its way from his core into his briefs. His firm hand meets yours, he stops you, “Not tonight babe, I have to work in the morning.”
You wake up the next day and your heart is heavy. When he left for work you pretended to be asleep, because honestly, you are embarrassed. How did you get here? You spend the day making excuses for why your relationship now seems more like roommates than lovers. You convince yourself that every relationship comes to this point. You are confined by your routine and you accept it as your future. Complacency.
Do you want to know a secret? It’s not about her, it’s not about the way he couldn’t take his eyes off of her, it’s not about the way she captivated the room, it’s not about any of that.
It is about You.
There is a reason you feel like something is missing, there is a reason why every night when your head hits the pillow you feel lonely, and there is a reason why you are envious…
S & S
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