It is really hard to see the light at end of the tunnel when you cannot seem to get yourself out of this constant pity party when something is over. You had committed yourself so deeply to someone you thought came with the promise of forever, and now it feels like you have failed.
Right now you feel like your heart has been ripped out of your chest and you have no idea how you are even going to get out of bed tomorrow. You have built up so much anxiety at the thought of starting over that your mind is exhausted from the effort to understand where everything went wrong.
Often we find our identity in our relationships and when they end, we don’t even know how to begin to pick up the pieces. This traps us in a perpetual battle with ourselves, believing that if only we could go back, we would do things differently.
The last time you went through something that made you feel like the world was over, you survived. Take a deep breath.
We have eight tips to help you move on and move forward.
Understand that you broke up for a reason.
A lot of times when we go through a breakup, as time goes on, we tend to only hold on to the good. All of the arguments, distance, tears, and lack of intimacy become a distant memory. It is natural to take yourself back to the beginning and play out what you would do differently. The real truth is that breakups do not come out of nowhere, and you can never go back to the way it was. You have to let go of the excuses of why the breakup could have been prevented, and accept the reality that it just was not working.
Learn from your relationship.
You are not defined by your past; you are prepared by your past. You have invested time and energy into this relationship that you will never get back, and we understand that it is really hard to let that go. If you don’t take the time to learn from your past, you will find yourself in the same situation in your next relationship. Diagnose the role you played and how you can grow and do things differently in the future. The most important thing to understand is that you make your own decisions and you are only accountable to yourself.
Remove the things that remind you of him.
There is no sugar coating this one, this is going to be very hard. You have given a piece of your soul to him. In order to truly move on you have to take control back. A lot of people try to remain friends after a breakup so the wound won’t hurt so badly, but this just leads to more pain because you are constantly reminded of the past. You should take pictures down, stop following him on social media, and let go of the need to know what he is up to.
Remove neutral friends.
Throughout the course of your relationship there is a good chance you have acquired mutual friends. Unfortunately for those friends, they become a casualty of the breakup. Many of them will try to maintain a friendship with both of you, but it’s not that easy. When you are going through your breakup you need your team. You are not offending anyone when you put yourself first. If they can’t pick a team, pick one for them, and love them from afar.
Focus on yourself.
You have probably lost a piece of yourself in the emotional roller coaster of your breakup. Now is the time to figure out who you are, what you want, and how you are going to get there. It is time to put down social media and stop feeling sorry for yourself while you compare your life to everyone else. When you wake up in the morning read something that inspires you, and take time out of each day to do something to invest in yourself.
Do not hibernate.
Often when we go through breakups we don’t have the will or the desire to do anything social. It is important not to seclude yourself from the outside world when you are working through something very difficult in your life. Get out of the house, schedule time with your friends, and lean on those who love and support you. Your life is not over, there is so much more out there waiting for you.
The pain and heartache of a breakup has likely left you feeling little motivation to get up and do anything. Living in your misery will not help you. You have the upper hand here; there is nothing better than the breakup diet. No more ice cream and lifetime movies that leave you feeling even worse. You need to establish a healthy active routine. You will not only benefit from the physical results, but you will feed your mind and your soul as well.
Let go of your fear of the unknown.
Your relationship is all you know. The thought of starting over is absolutely terrifying. Often it feels like whatever we are going through in the moment is the only thing we will feel for the rest of our lives. What you have to do is step back and take a look at the big picture. You are the only person who decides where you are and where you want to be, and you are the only person who can get you there. There is a whole world out there waiting for you to explore.
We don’t always fall in love to be in love forever. This breakup is not the end of you or the end of your journey. With every ending comes a new beginning. Not a redo of the past, we weren’t designed to live life backwards. Now is the time to get excited for a new chapter, a new life, and a new sense of living.
Sarah and Samantha
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