It’s really hard to see the light at end of the tunnel when you cannot seem to get yourself out of a constant state of brokenness after your relationship is over. Trust me, I get it. You committed yourself so deeply to someone you thought came with the promise of forever and now forever means alone and it feels like you have failed.
Right now you probably feel like your heart has been ripped out of your chest. Brutally ripped out of your chest. What I can tell you, although you may not want to hear it, what you are feeling is normal. It’s normal to feel disappointed, angry, hurt, and devastated when someone you care about makes a decision that leaves you feeling not only blindsided, but excruciatingly devastated. You can have your whole future planned out perfectly and in just one split second, everything can change.
I share this with you as someone who has recovered from massive heartbreak- you don’t have to give up your own happiness just because life changed and you were not expecting it.
I have had my fair share of pain: a husband who cheated, a friend who chose another side, a supervisor with a vendetta to end my career, and a family who didn’t understand.
I know what it feels like to be handcuffed by someone else’s behaviors or feelings.
I also know what it feels like to break free.
You may be feeling like there is no hope, these are the cards you were dealt, and you’ll just have to take the short end of the stick. And you’re right. As long as you continue to allow that mentality to control you, you will be handcuffed to whoever hurt you, whatever decision put you in this position, or whatever happened in your life to throw you off course.
In order to free yourself from pain and forgive, you have to change your mindset and you are the only person who has the power to do that. You have to decide that you are worthy of moving forward with your life and take control back. You may not feel like you are ready, but I promise you, you can.
Here are my three tips to help you move on from a broken heart:
Accept that you cannot turn back time.
Many times we struggle with moving on because we are holding on to our past and wish we could go back and do it differently. There will always be, “if only’s”. If only you had approached it differently, if only he didn’t lie to you, if only you were more aware, if only you had listened to him, if only he could get his priorities straight. Learning from the things you look back on is important, but you have to understand that those lessons are to benefit your future.
Learn from your past.
You are not defined by your past; you are prepared by your past. You have invested time and energy into this relationship that you will never get back, and I understand it is really hard to let that go. If you don’t take the time to learn from your past, you will find yourself in the same situation in your next relationship.
Diagnose the role you played and how you can grow and do things differently in the future. The most important thing to understand is that you make your own decisions and you are only accountable to yourself. The most valuable lesson you can get from your past is to take accountability for the hand you played and grow from it. Use it as motivation to create self awareness around why you made a certain decision, and commit to yourself that you will not be there ever again.
Talk about it.
All of the steps above are really important but this one is the most near and dear to my heart. Talking about your past is a big piece of the healing process. The most incredible thing happens when you start talking about your pain, sadness, and regrets. You learn that you are not alone. Every situation is unique, and through talking about your brokenness you will gain insight and wisdom from other people who have been where you are. Doors will also open with opportunities to share your story and inspire others who are still struggling.
So my Sister Warrior, I want to encourage you today to take that first step of healing because I promise you that God has something bigger planned with those broken pieces than he would have with the whole.
PS- Here at Never Be Average we created a platform called Forgiveness Letters. These letters have been a powerful testimony of strength, triumph and forgiveness. If you are ready to let go of you past, move on and forgive, we would love to feature your story here!