To the man I once loved,

     How are you? Have you found the happiness you were so desperately seeking? Has your success allowed you to become the man you are today? Is your life finally fulfilled?

I’d tell you how I’m doing, about how I’m living happier then ever, how fulfilling my life has been without you and that no matter how much success has come my way it’s not what’s making me the woman I am today. I’d tell you about these things but I figured you wouldn’t care to know. You never really cared about much. If it didn’t involve your interests, passions, hobbies, opportunities to make something of yourself, you just simply didn’t care. I’ll always remember how those were two of your favorite lines to use, “I don’t care” or “Who cares”. I heard those lines more often then I heard “I love you”. Perhaps not caring was what made it so easy for you in the end.

I want you to know you consumed my every thought, my every dream, and literally my entire being. I was in love with you, I was committed to you, I was supportive of your every venture and success, I was infatuated by your presence; I was essentially your number 1 fan in everything you did. Somehow though I think you already knew this. The power you had over me is what I believe you found to be my most attractive quality. The problems began with this is. The minute you felt threatened with how I was no longer allowing your control or your manipulation to seep into my existence, you changed. You quickly became someone I didn’t know or even recognize. You became the man I once loved. I could go into our final year of painful situations and experiences we shared and point out the changes in you but I’m not going to. You know them, I know them, you know how they affected me, how it affected us and how those changes became our downfall.

I want you to know something changed in you after we got married. Actually, something changed in both of us. Instead of me truly loving you, I resented you. Instead of me being proud of you, I hated who you were becoming. Instead of me wanting you, I wanted nothing to do with you. I’m more than positive you felt the same way and boy did you show it. It literally felt like I was often living with a roommate or that I married a complete stranger. This was when you simply became the man I once loved.

The man I once loved wouldn’t have left his wife to spend her days and nights all alone. The man I once loved wouldn’t have cheated on me.  The man I once loved wouldn’t have left his ill wife at home alone when she needed someone there to help take care of her. The man I once loved wouldn’t have abandoned his best friend of 13 years like you did.  The man I once loved wouldn’t have allowed you to become the man I once loved.

The man I once loved would have been there for his wife, he would have been proud to call her his wife, he would have cared for her, supported her, loved her through sickness and health, he would have reassured her she was the only one for him. He would have honored the vows and commitment he made to her on their wedding day in front of their friends, their family and most importantly under God.

This letter is supposed to be about me forgiving you but first there are a few things I’d like to thank you for. Thank you for freeing me. Thank you for letting me find my wings again. Thank you for letting me find my song again. Thank you for letting me find the person I lost so long ago. Thank you for showing me the strength I never knew I had. Thank you for showing me how a man shouldn’t treat me. Thank you for giving me my second chance at happiness and love. Thank you for leaving, it has truly helped shape me into the woman I am today. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

I know I had my faults in our marriage, which I’d like to take a moment and apologize for. Please know however your forgiveness is not what I seek here. I know I wasn’t always the easiest to deal with or to be around but you can never deny the loyalty, the love, the devotion and the commitment I gave to you. I know somewhere deep down inside you are sorry for not giving that same loyalty, love, devotion and commitment to me in return.

To the man I once loved, I forgive you. I forgive you for the pain, sadness, hurt, and anger you brought into my life that still creeps into my soul at times. I forgive you for making me feel more alone when I was with you then I am now without you. I forgive you for all the nights I fell asleep alone and for all the mornings I woke up alone. I forgive you for all the lies you told me and for your betrayal. I forgive you for the all the memories of the good times we shared you discredited on the fateful night you told me you no longer wanted me to be your wife. I forgive you for never asking me what was really wrong the night before our wedding day when I locked myself in a dark room and just cried for over 2 hours. I forgive you for never telling me you thought I was beautiful. I forgive you for the looks of judgment you’d give me when we were together. I forgive you for never seeing ME. I forgive you for showing me that no matter what happened to me you weren’t going to stay. I forgive you for not caring for me and distancing yourself from me when I was deathly sick. I forgive you for offering your help to me when I was packing up thirteen years of my life, of our life together as I moved out. I forgive you for never wanting children with me. I forgive you for leaving me to explain to my then 8 year old nephew where his uncle and best bud went and why he left. I forgive you for leaving me to clean up the mess you made once and for all. I forgive you for lying to our friends and your family about what really happened and that I was the one to leave. I forgive you for never caring. I forgive you for abandoning me. I forgive you for throwing our life goals together away in the trash and leaving me to dig them out. I forgive you for turning my Mrs. title into Divorcee. I forgive you for putting me in the position to even write you this letter. And most importantly, I forgive you for becoming the man I once loved.

My forgiveness shall set you free,

The woman who once loved you

 

Here at Never Be Average we created a platform called Forgiveness Letters. These letters have been a powerful testimony of strength, triumph and forgiveness. If you are ready to let go of you past, move on and forgive, we would love to feature your story here!   

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