There is something that takes place when you make a conscious decision that the show must go on. For so long your soul has been composed of two sides, the Warrior and the Coward. The two have been battling like you’re back in the World War. The fight has remained even, one wins and after defeat the other comes back with a vengeance. Another cycle, repeated. Just one problem, there can only be one true winner. The Warrior inside of you has begged you not to stay, but the Coward has already taken her seat on the thrown.
We put ourselves in a position where we believe that we are obligated to another person based on some sort of commitment and when the other person fails to hold up their end of the bargain we still stay.
For some reason we believe that staying is what makes you strong when really it’s letting go.
We trap ourselves into a state of misery and at the end of the day the truth is really that it’s our own damn fault. This is the moment we make every effort to avoid. The moment when you look in the mirror and realize that the only person accountable to “this life isn’t everything I thought it was going to be,” is you.
You’re staring at your reflection and you feel like you are looking at a stranger as you watch the tears stream down your face like each one is in a race to the finish line, your mascara drips off of your chin onto your shirt with an attempt to look like it’s your favorite accessory, you feel your heart throbbing out of your chest like it just lost the final match at Wimbledon, and your legs lose all strength like your on the last mile of the marathon and you cannot go any further. You slowly drop as one knee after the other gives way to the ice cold floor. You have never felt so alone and as you cry for help it seems that not even the slightest noise can make its way out of your mouth.
You lay there as your dream and your reality flash right before your eyes. You begin to feel sorry for yourself and you wonder how you got here, this was never supposed to be you.
Your eyes close and you begin to fantasize, what if you had the strength to leave? A foreign sensation brings chills to the end of each body part as it makes its way through your veins. You continue to wonder, you almost feel like your thoughts are having an affair but you cannot help yourself to continue. You take yourself back to the place when you had just begun to dream. At this point your body starts convulsing, you want to give in, this feels so good, and now you are glad you are alone.
You feel free, your body is ready to have its way with you and you promise not to fight back. You can feel it coming. Your head rolls back as your breaths become short and heavy. The room is below zero but your body is on fire. The walls are closing in tightly yet you feel like they cannot get close enough. You throw your legs up on the bathtub in a moment of passion and grab your ankles ready to let your desire have its way with you. This sensation is something you have never experienced, you want more. A sudden rage of immense power flows through every tantalizing urge, you are ready to give in…
There’s a knock at the door. Oh shit. You only have one moment left and a rush of insecurity takes over your body, grabbing your soul like it’s the last thing keeping it alive. Your mind starts racing, “I used to think I was the luckiest girl in the world and this is what I got, how could I be worthy of anything better?” It’s like you were a runaway for one quick moment and they found you, your self doubt puts the handcuffs back on, you are no longer in control.
It seems like there are only two options. One, stay and sacrifice happiness for comfort, or two, leave and take the risk of being alone.
Do you want to know a secret? Option one will never work. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is damn near close to the definition of insanity. Something has to change. This is your reality, you are bitter that you have gotten to this point, it’s everyone else’s fault, and you are the one suffering the consequences. You continue to make excuses for everyone else’s behavior and now you feel stuck.
But, what if there was a third choice?
S & S have learned the hardest thing to accept is that the one and only thing you have control over is you. Come to find out, once you accept it, you are no longer able to place blame on anyone else. Your newest love-hate relationship becomes accountability, as badly as you may want, no one is accountable to you, but yourself.
Are you ready to take control back? You play this game of life for yourself. You are a warrior, you fight, you fight for yourself and your needs because you are just as important…
S & S