In every relationship there always comes a point when the honeymoon stage is over. This is also the point where you both go back to being yourselves instead of being who the other person wants you to be.
Sometimes two people are great, just not great together. If this the case you have probably found yourself in a position where the things that you decided to dismiss in the name of love now drive you absolutely crazy.
It seems like you can’t do anything right anymore. Every little thing always becomes an issue and you begin questioning the value this relationship is really adding to your life. When your head hits the pillow at night you feel lonely, even though he is laying only one inch from you.
You heart tells you to keep trying, but in your soul you know that this relationship is not working anymore. You know the right thing to do is to part your separate ways, but the courage it takes to leave hasn’t made it to your doorstep yet.
It is not always easy to leave when your relationship isn’t working and here’s why:
You fear being alone
The thought of coming home to an empty house is something that keeps you up at night. Naturally as humans, we just don’t want to be alone. It doesn’t matter how much you fight, you know you will miss the companionship. The upside is that when you do finally leave, you will not be alone forever. The truth: you won’t find the right person for you while you’re still sleeping with the wrong person.
Maybe things will change
Your optimistic self says that with hard work, a greater effort, and more time things will change. You can’t help but continue to convince yourself if you could just go back to the way it was, then the two of you would be happy together again. The reality is that you can never go back to the way it was.
He’s your comfort zone
Your relationship has become all you know. You have the same friends, you share assets, and you probably have the same favorite spots. You have someone to hang at home with, go to social events with, and even at family events he’s always there with you. Although you are not feeling great about your relationship right now, everything else is easier the way it is. A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.
You don’t want to hurt him
At one point you were head over heels, cannot get enough, of each other. You cannot think of when everything changed so significantly, and you know that deep down, he feels the same way. You have both invested your hearts and souls into this relationship, and you don’t want anyone to end up hurt. If you have had your heart broken in the past, you know the pain is only temporary, and you will both love again.
Your family and friends
This relationship doesn’t include just the two of you anymore. Your family and your friends have made a personal investment in you. The last thing you want to do is to disappoint those who care about you most. What you have to understand is what really matters to those closest to you is your happiness. You will survive the breakup, they will survive the breakup, and your relationship will be even stronger.
You think time is on your side
You don’t want to make the wrong decision so you take your time. You believe that time is on your side and you still have plenty of it to find what you really want and settle down. Unfortunately, before you know it, three more years will have gone by, and you will find yourself still in the same position.
You may own a house together, a car, or even a pet, and it is not easy to swallow the thought of how you would separate everything. You know that it is possible because you see other people who do it every day. You can’t wrap your head around it and the work it would take isn’t worth it. The truth is the burden of “who gets the house?” is far less than the burden of unhappiness.
You fear starting over
The thought of starting over feels like so much more work than just sticking around. You have built a life for yourself, and you have a hard time imagining it with someone else. Think back to every time in your life when your circumstance changed and you had to step out of your comfort zone. Two things happened: you survived and you are better for it.
Relationships become a large part of who we are. That is why even when we know it is not right, we do everything we can to keep it together, and then when nothing changes, we still stay. Remember, two people can be great and not be great together. You deserve the relationship that consists of two great people, who are even better together.
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Sarah and Samantha
photo cred: parentmap.com